Wednesday, February 12, 2003

So Roy Keane will never play for Ireland again.


As an Irishman, I have to say im sad. The chances of us reaching Portugal in 2004 have been hampered significantly by this news, as any team is poorer for not having their best player. And without doubt, Keane was the finest player to ever wear the Irish jersey. He singlehandedly got us to the world cup finals, and while his outburst in Saipan was terribly timed, he did have a point. The FAI couldnt organise a piss up in a brewery. And having a friend who works alot with the FAI, they are a bunch of tossers barely capable of running a pub team, let alone an entire world cup campaign.


Anyway, on a brighter note, just like christmas, St Totteringham's day seems to arrive earlier every year. For those of you who dont know, St Totteringham's day is that day each year when it becomes logistically impossible for Tottenham to finish higher than Arsenal in the league. Someone has been kind enough to provide Arseweb with an excel spreadsheet, allowing you to countdown the days to St Totterngham's day. Shweet.


Bobby is complaining about the lack of a summer holidays due to the confederations cup. He has a good point, top players play too many games a season, and these bullshit tournaments are just there to make a bit of money for the respective federations. Still, If I had a choice between that and Butlin, I know which one id pick.


Ormondroyd uses his creative use of stick men and talk bubbles to deliver yet another unique insight into the current world of premiership football. Wonder does Tel wear a helmet?

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

I have to start gettng up earlier.


I havent been in work before 10, done any work before 12 and posted here before 5 in at least a week me thinks. Im such a bum. Still, no matter how hard it is for any of you to wait to dispense my words of *ahem* wisdom, its sheer agony for all concerned to wait an entire week for your fix of Myles Palmers unique brand of rambling, name-dropping prose. Did he mention he wrote 'The Professor'? Available at all good car boot sales now. Apparently he once new Robert Palmer. Thats nothing, I once new a bloke called Robert Lee. Right fucking knacker.


Not much Arsenal news around today, except Arsene's handbag attack on the French Football Association. And he has a point. unlike the confederations cup. I mean, what the fuck is it? Who wants to see New Zealand, yes, New Zealand play anyway? Just another case of money making schemes to swell the fifa coffers. And they wonder why so many of the big name players were fucked tired going into the world cup. Too many games! and before any of the geriatrics that played in the 60's and 70's start off on a diatribe about playin 2 games befo' lunch with ball made ot' mud an still havin enough energy to give t' missus one, the game has moved on alot since then. Players have to work bloody hard to be at the top, every game. Not to sure, but I read somewhere that the average player will run around 8 miles during the 90 minutes. And thats sprint, jog, sprint, jog, which anyone who has ever done athletics will tell you, is a fucking killer. Of course I could be talking bollox (or out of it as Roy is want to say).


A recent survey confirms what most men already know, that we like women with a bit of meat on them. Although we mean this not this.


Knew yould look at the wrong one hehehe

Monday, February 10, 2003


Even now, this pic still makes laugh. Babies and markers, its a winning combination.

So it ended honours even in the two big games of the weekend, ours against the toon army and the big manc derby. I think we can be the happier, a point away to the team in third place is a much better return than one from a game at home to a mid table team (I know derbies are different but essentially thats what it was). Especially after an equaliser in the 86th minute. Marharhar. Thierry's goal against newcastle was his 104th goal for the club, and it equals the record set by Platini during his 5 year stint in Italy with Juventus, making Henry the joint french all time top scorer for a foreign club. not bad going for 3 1/2 seasons. Apart from the goal though, I thought Titi was a bit pants, not his usual electric self. And as for the sending off, what the fuck was Robert playing at? of course your gonna get booked for acting like a twat like that. Ok, it was harsh, but he only has himself to blame.


Matty Upson and Jeffers are both somewhat suprisingly in the england squad. Think im gonna talk a little less about Franny from now on, my mate kept asking in the pub yesterday durin the game what my fixation was with the lad. Still think with a strong wind behind him he could outrun Henry. Ears like sails.

Friday, February 07, 2003

Continuing with my rant on crap tv, Does anyone watch The Salon? Do you know of anyone who watches it? Does anyone, in fact, actually watch it? If i wanted to watch people getting their hair cut for 8 hours a day, id go and sit in a fucking barbers. If 'Help, im a celebrity, get me out of here!' was the arse of reality tv, then this must be the diarrhoea soaked y-fronts of bargain basement television. Im just itchin for someone to go in and smack that annoying brazilian fucker, right i the chops. Oh, that would be sweet! Wonder if Vinnie Jones needs a hair cut?

Thursday, February 06, 2003

need any trenches dug gov?
Fresh eruptions in the footie world today. No sooner had Ronaldinho been crowned Colgate footballer of the year than the allegations of vote rigging began. "I can't believe I wasnt even in contention, its a fix!", wailed Alvaro Recoba through a gobful of giant nashers. Bookies had reported large numbers of bets being placed on long shot Luke Chadwick to scoop the award, but in the end it was no suprise the man for with a penchant for girls hair accessories walked away with the golden brush. A spokeperson for Colgate made a statement earlier today; we thoroughly feel that Ronaldinho deserves the award. Not only does he provide a role model for orthodontically challenged kids everywhere, but he maintains the high standards set by our very first Colgate player of the year, the legendary Ian Dowie.

In less important football news, Bobby Pires returns to action for the french squad for the first time in a year. His loss before the world cup was infinitely more damaging to their hopes in the competition than anyone really expected. Watching their stuttering play, they were cryin out for an on form Pires to add a bit of fluidity. But he looks to be nearly back to his very, very best so this can be only good for both Arsenal and France.

News on the golden brush fiasco as we get it.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

The most excellent 24 began in Ireland last night. For anyone in England youll have to wait another few weeks before it starts on BBC2, and those in the US, well...youve probably seen the entire series by now, so this is old news. Have pity on us backward folk. Good to see in a time when US tv (and English and Irish for that matter) get worse and worse, that they can still put out exceptional piece of television that doesnt require you to have a frontal lobotomy.

Speaking of terrible tv, and i mean so bad you want to get ebola just so your eyeballs will explode, honorary mention must go to The Lyrics board, a truly attrocious piece of televisioning (or some such verb), forced upon the Irish public, presumably as some sort of penance for letting the cranberries lose on the world. The gist is that two teams have to guess the title of a song from one line, which is slowly shown to them, word by word during each round. Not too bad you say? Heres the hurt. To get another guess, they have to sing a song with the just revealed word in its title. Think the worst cabaret music youve ever heard. combined with elevator music. And some Karaoke to boot. It sooooo bad. I mean, Its so bad, Id rather shit razor blades than watch it. The best (worst?) part thoughis the 'celebrities' they get on to play. Maybe im out a touch with the young 'uns these days, but they are all fucking nobodies hoping to shamelessly whore themselves on irish television in the hope of kickstarting the rotting corpe of their career. Bet your just dying to buy tickets now. Looks like theyre growing them celebrities in batches now.


Cack, the dentist!


Ah! I feel much better after a good rant, so onto some footie news. Some bullshit story linking Real midfielder/forward Guti to Arsenal. Bollox I say. And bollox again to the story liking us with the only man capable of eating an apple through a tennis racket, Ronaldinho. I think from now on were gonna be linked with lots of big name players by their agents, cause were now becoming one of the top 3 sides in Europe. And yet do they even notice that Wenger never signs big name players? As the man said himself, the only thing you get with big name players is big wages, and you know thats not his style. Not when he can pick up an Anelka, Henry, Pires, Silva, Toure, Petit, Viera, Overmars, Sol or Aliedaire for relative beer money. mmm....beer money.




Good to see our young german defender Maurice (he musta had it tough growing up) Volz playing and scoring for Wimbledon. Hopefully he can show Wenger that he has what it takes to take over from the Horse when hes finally sent off to the glue factory.

Monday, February 03, 2003

Sorry, Sorry. Havent posted for over the weekend. It was my birthday. Hic.
Im post after lunch, im sure youll all be tetering on the edge of your seats until then.