Saturday, January 18, 2003

Damn it.

Just heard Man U beat Chelsea, the winning goal being scored in the 3rd minute of extra time by none other than Forlan. Apparently they were shite for the entire game and chelsea can feel hard done by. I still think at the end of the season Man U will be nowhere near us, as i can see us starting to play on a different plane over the next few months and tear everyone apart, but it would have been nice for them to drop points now.

I tried.

After my embarassingly drunken exploits last saturday, I'd decided that the ranter was gonna be sans alcohol for a while. Ok my financial situation begged me to be, but thats purely coincidental. Had a night of sitting in talking with my flatmate and eating planned, hopefully a little boob on the tv. That was until i got THE CALL anyway.

You all know THE CALL, its that phonecall from your mates that you swore you wouldnt answer. The one that prior to THE CALL you scoffed at. How could they, with their little brains and big heads (like a nut in a balloon) possibly bend this iron will that is determined to stay in tonight?

Three words.

'Fancy a pint?'

So now i stagger in, much the merrier but significantly poorer (damn you expensive Dublin beer). Still, at least the girl beside us at the bar had great jabs.

And so now im nicely enebriated (easier to type than say), time for some footie related ranting. Why does Egg eyes blame Liverpools current shittiness on the crap players? Wouldnt it be better to blame the fucker that signed them all? Its not their fault they're pants. So why does he come out with this shit? My personal opinion is because he is a cunt. One silver lining though is that it may pave the way to Emile 'my touch is like a goal kick' Heskey moving to the Scum. Oh the hilarity.

As for the our game against West Ham, I dearly hope that we get to see the comedy stylings of Dailly and James. Heres hoping someone gets to head the ball in as it lies on the goal line, as everyone used to do as a kid to sicken who you were playing against. The risk of a boot in the head was always worth it.

Stupid penguins.

Friday, January 17, 2003

As I supervised some exams yesterday, which is hardly the most stimulating of jobs, my mind got to wandering. Like how come Goofey gets to wear clothes and Pluto only gets a collar. And who really did eat all the pies?

Then I started to wonder on what day St Totteringham's day will fall this year? St Totteringham's day, as you may know, is the inevitable day each year when it becomes logistically impossible for Tottenham to finish with more points than Arsenal. The scum are currently 14 points behind Arsenal, so my prediction is April 5th, after we play the criminally pedestrian Aston Villa at Villa park. Speaking of the Villa, when will Spurs finally realise the fact that they are no longer a big club, and that they currently reside in the domain of teams like Villa? Anyway, St Totteringham's day seems to come earlier and earlier each year. So when dya think it'll happen?

Looks like Stephen Sidwell is gonna be on his way out of Arsenal after some good performances on loan to Brighton. Reports suggest hes going for a paltry 75 grand, which seems like a pretty good deal for whoever snaps him up. You cant fault any of Wengers previous decisions when letting young players go, as none of them have really made the grade in the top flight, so its probably the best thing for all concerned. Still, Its always a shame to see a promising young english player leave Arsenal, even if he does have a head like a foot.

Unfortuately, this link is a little more disturbing and is sure to fuck up your sex life for a while. From now on, everytime you see bird you fancy its gonna pop into your head and bitch slap your brain.

Arent you so happy I showed you that?

Thursday, January 16, 2003

Excuse the pants look of the site right now, im just doin a bit of diy on its ass.
Stupid babies.

If only all kids were like Stewie. It would spice up walking to work, knowing a megalomaniacal rugby ball is waiting to kill you the next chance he gets. At the mo though, Im just happy i can spell megalomanicial (althoug it took a while). my next door neighbour called round with a bottle of Vodka, bless her. At least i refused to go into town, so im showing some semblance of restraint. Although they did leave the bottle with me when they left, hehehe.

Apologies about the bad Scholes link yesterday, although in retrospect (my big drunken word for the night), those who didnt see it fared better than those who did. My eyeballs still pain from the bleach.

And now for a serious moment. life can be lonley journey for some. Going out of a night, you hope to meet a nice lady, someone with mutual interests, like drinking and competition puking and more importantly a nice rack. Someone catches your eye (or eyes if your that sober). You buy her a drink, exchange a bit of witty repartee, and if your lucky she doesnt puke. Things go well, you stagger home together in a drunken stuper and in the mood for love. Reaching your door you tell her to be quite as your mum shares a room with you. Looks like your getting lucky tonight!

Then she drops the hand. followed by a look of confusion. followed by a grin. followed by loud, dirty roaring laugh that only professional dart players are contracted by law to use.

For those poor souls whos manhood is ridiculed even by smurfs, fear not. for it could be worse. For you could be a banana. Come to think of it ive never seen bananas gettin jiggy,

Stupid bananas.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

It must be hard for Paul Scholes.

Not only is he short and a ginger, but he only plays for the schools second string footie team. As if thats not bad enough, Ashley Cole, currently playing out of his skin for the school's first team had a pop at his old man recently. Im sure you know his dad, he's the lad who lines the school pitches and put up the goals. Well, when he has his 'standing box' anyway.

Now the school has given Ashley a slap on the wrist and sent him home with a note to tell his mum what he did, but that doesnt seem to be enough for Unabrow.
Word around the schoolyard is Scholes wants to 'ave words' with Ashley round the back of the bike shed after Geography. Ashley says hes not afraid, so long as Scholes doesnt do anymore of this.

Im off to wash my eyeballs.

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Oh dear, it looks like im turning into a woman.

Well thats according to my flatmates (both of the fairer sex). Got a call from my current beau yesterday, apparently i said nothing incriminating whilst hammered on saturday night. So all my fretting and stressing was for nothing, save the entertainment of my flatmates. Damn them.

Of course we all know the perils associated with mixing those two otherwise innocuous aids, phones and alcohol. While those drunken phonecalls to ex girlfriends can seem an excellent idea at 3am, as a rule of thumb, 'I mish you....can aye call round to your plashe?' is seldom considered attractive. Especially when said through a kebab. Besides, what you really mean to say is 'Im drunk and horny, and your place is closest'. The canny few keep a tape recorder at hand for such drunken transgressions, so that in the cold, unforgiving light of day (and in front of a crowd) the recording can bring much hilarity (if its your mate) or humiliation (if its you).
Still however bad it is now, imagine the damage youll do when you get your hands on one of the new camera phones. Be afraid.

In non-alcohol related news, Upson is definately staying with Arsenal, at least until the end of the season. Most Arsenal fans would like to at least see him get a run of games, but with Sol and Keown playing well at the moment, looks like he may need to wait for some injuries and suspensions to get his chance. Fowler looks like hes on his way to Citeh (are they gonna get rid of all the players O'Leary signed?). If he stays fit itll be a good signing, but the lad has spent alot of the last 4 years on the treatment table. Still, Keggy must be a happy bunny, he's gettin closer to having the squad to play his dream 1-1-8 formation.

Monday, January 13, 2003

Cursed wine.

Although im severely financially restricted at the moment, i still have enough loose change to afford a bottle of wine or two for dinner at a friends place. And after a gorgeous meal of seafood gumbo (my mate is an excellent chef) we kicked back with said bottles of wine, wine brought by others, and all the cans of beer in his fridge. This was followed by staggering down to the pub below his apartment building. It was at this point that my brain went 'Boing!'. What followed was (well on my part) alot of embarassingly drunken conversations, repetition (my personal speciality) and word slurring. Now this would usually be regrettable, but not too cringe worthy except for the fact that at some point during the night I got a phone call. From my current beau in Spain. The only reason i know this is because it appears in my phone log. Additionally I sent a text message. I dont know what it said, or even to who it was sent as it was one of those ill conceived, spur of the moment things. What I do know is that I havent received any replies to my subsequent texts from my lady. Which leads me to conclude one of two possibilities:

1. Everything is fine and im being paranoid.
2. During either the conversation or text message i made such an arse of myself or said something I really shouldnt have that she would be happy if spontaneously combusted.

Cursed wine!

On a more uplifting note, Arsenal gave Birmingham a good spanking, and Thierry made it to 100 goals in 3 1/2 seasons, a pretty amazing feat when you stop to think that Bergkamp took almost 8 years to make it to that number. I think well see Arsenal shift into top gear in the next month or two and walk away with the league. Under Wenger we have knack for finishing the season strongly and i dont think this season will be any different. One thing id like to see though in the next few months would be franny jeffers and Upson get a good run in the side, as i think the two of them have alot to offer if theyre given the chance. Anyway, Im off to stick my head in the sand and pretend i never got drunk this weekend....